What is your worth? and why are you living this kind of life?
Are you truly becoming what you want? or are you allowing other people to mold you into what they want you to become. Being 23 and all, I have realized that the world is cruel and harsh; it has people all around you telling you what to do and noticing all your flaws, but simply forgetting the beauty inside of you. They never really think before they speak, instead they speak with their heart's content not knowing if what they say can actually kill the person inside.
Sometimes I ask myself I'm just oversensitive or if I really should feel sad whenever people say I'm fat, or don't recognize the place I work in (my relatives have an issue with whether or not I work in a big company or not), or think I'm doing the wrong decisions.
I often go to sleep over thinking stuff and seeing all the good that other people have, and realizing that I really don't have anything good to brag about. Why? Well I guess I'm not rich, not sexy. not thin, not pretty, not too smart, not rich, not cool, plus I'm extremely shy and unsociable.
This past few months I have joined a hospitality club with hopes that I can actually regain my social skills and learn how to actively communicate with other people. But I guess that because I have very low self esteem and almost zero self confidence I having a hard time achieving it. There was even one time when I spoke to a guy and he told that he was sorry because he would probably not remember me. He was buzzed, but then again I think it was still half meant. It kinda crushed the insides of me because again, I proved to myself that I am a WALLFLOWER and I expect no one to remember me. People do ask for my name and I introduce myself to people but I also expect them to forget me after the night is over.
It kinda hurts that I already know that people will forget me since I think I'm not interesting at all, and I don't have anything to brag about. I seriously want to know how to be sociable and how to start a conversation right, if there was one accurate formula then I would do it straight away.
Some people just have that spunk, or they could be so physically attractive, or amazingly smart that could make people talk to them, but I guess I have none of that which makes me a wallflower a really good wallflower indeed. I usually cling onto my loud friends and end being the one who laughs at all their jokes.
I am perfectly fine with being alone, but sometimes I'm kind of getting sick of it.
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