Sunday, November 8, 2009

i have been dreaming..

it's hot here in da pilipins..at this very moment, I'm apparently all alone, because the people living here apart from me have gone to do their share to make this world a better place. and for me I'm here, stuck at home, with nothing to do, so i've decided to post here at my blog..

school starts in two days, heck, my new sched is really a pain in the ass. I will be utterly forced to wake up at 5 am in the morning to get ready for my 7 am classes, thank God, i have 10 am ones, and all end at 3 pm. my mom loves my new sched, like for Christ's sake, how can you love this sched, its so fucking hard to wake up in the morning let alone cook your own breakfast, because apparently everyone else is asleep. Maybe I'll resort to the INSTANT/POUR HOT WATER-AND EAT AFTER 3 MINUTES kind of foods. But in reality i hate them, the msg, the 'fake' taste, it just makes me barf, the only time i'll eat them is when there's nothing else to eat, i have never craved for the 7 peso pancit canton that we usually buy from the 'stones throw-away' sari sari store.

So this past 2 months of eternal hogging, i have done nothing productive as to say, all i remember doing is going back and forth-back and forth-back and forth from manila to batangas. It all seems so fast. Uhuh..yes but i enjoy these things, stuff like these that make time pass by easily..WHY? Well to tell you plainly, my life sucks..BIG TIME..yes it does, and i will repeat, IT SUCKS. I get so envious sometimes why some girls just have it all..and i have,well,some of what they have..I actually begin to realize, do some people even envy me, or think of the things I have? Does my life matter to them? It kinda sucks to think  that i always count the things which i don't have..simply to over-exaggerate that THEY are better than me..in everything..yes I AM INSECURE. HOPEFULLY, well maybe after graduation, i might a find a new WORLD to live in, and probably start anew, as my life has been torn 2 times to be exact. and leading my own life might just make it better, but as i come to think of it, WILL IT? Oh well..something I've learned, is that NEVER plan ahead, JUST LET THINGS FALL INTO PLACE, it helps when you get surprised once in a while.

3 days ago, me and my friends had a post-halloween partey!! LOL..it was fun, and different, and we talked a lot. Things like the future, boyfriends, love, and other people..LOL..doing this, i kinda miss my old friends back in highschool in OMAN. Yes oman, i miss this place so much, it's like attached to me, well it is, because i was born and raised there, even though for no apparent reason i don't remember a single word in arabic. Yes, the laid-back life, no traffic, friends all over, friendly arabs, funny pakistani accents, and shawarma! One of my goals is to go back there, someday, with a friend, whoever that person might be. Maybe even work there, as for most of my older friends have found their way back there..WILL I TOO? It's kinda lame, that i can't get over the fact that I'm already here, and i hate it here, during highschool and my early days of college, i wished that this was all just a dream, that  i would wake up in my room in OMAN, and everything here is just a dream..just a dream, but ALAS! it isn't, no matter how hard i pinch myself, or blink, I'm living in this, i'm fucking living in this shithole reality. Luckily for me, i have learned to love this place, i have earned friends, and the life of a REAL teenager, because apparently in oman, teens don't get to experience much of what i got to experience here, and i got to become more closer to my relatives, which is somewhat a good thing too. And as i have no choice whatsoever. So im kinda liking it here, but i just wish that i go back to MY homeland which is OMAN and probably have fun back there again, just like the old times. but as of now, i'm stuck here in the motherland, of which is 'da pilipins' and probably just enjoy it here, life is short and i have utterly no choice but to enjoy it......while it lasts..=)

xoxo

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